By not setting goals, your goal is simply to give up your life to chances and take
whatever life happens to you. Does your life have a purpose? Are you living a life
by design? We can live our life either by design, or by chance.
Extreme Shyness is an ever-increasing problem, and fostered, many feel by the
technology available nowadays.
Online dating, email, and virtual anonymity are realities in today’s world. For most
of us, these are merely conveniences; but for many, these are simply ways to avoid
directly connecting to others. You must get self help if you have any hope of gaining
Shy people are literally ‘in hiding’ from the world. Reaching out and touching someone
is terrifying to the seriously shy and socially phobic. Self help is often the best
way to deal with extreme shyness.
There’s much less awkwardness when dealing with others via the Internet. No one would
see them or hear them; they feel safe.
For many, it’s only in unfamiliar situations that they show symptoms of extreme shyness.
They’re perfectly fine in normal situations; they know how to act and what to say.
Anything different throws them for a loop and into a panic. A crowded room becomes
a scene of terror for the socially phobic.
The problem is they tend to avoid the unfamiliar at all costs. The more they avoid
it, the worse the fear becomes. By not allowing themselves to experience something
new, they are in fact perpetuating the fear.
Shyness occurs in different degrees in different people. There are actors who may
be bold and self confident on camera, but become shy and soft-spoken when speaking
one-on-one with an interviewer.
Some people might be open and comfortable with their own gender, but become absolutely
tongue-tied around the opposite sex. There are others who are happy and outgoing
with their friends and family, and clam up anytime strangers enter the picture.
Most people attempt to hide their shyness and many may not even appear to be shy,
nervous, or ill at ease. However, attempting to hide the shyness does not lessen
the suffering it causes. It’s always there, under the surface, no matter how hard
they try to hide their misery.
As for what causes extreme shyness, it can vary.
One of the hypotheses is that shyness is at least partially genetic. If your parents
were shy, there’s a greater chance you might also be a bit shy and lack confidence.
Another is that it has a great deal to do with the environment in which one is raised.
If your parents were very strict and unforgiving, it could cause you to be shy, especially
around authority figures.
Extreme shyness can develop in a person’s life after harsh treatment on the part
of teachers or fellow students. You may have been laughed at, ridiculed, or tormented
This creates an innate shyness, which is very difficult to rid yourself of later.
Each time you find yourself in a similar situation, you may experience the same feelings
Send now for my reports on extreme shyness and learn how to combat this life curtailing
condition. You don’t have to continue to suffer from the miserable symptoms of shyness,
you really do owe it to yourself to do something about it!
How to gain confidence, is a question I’m often asked. I’ll address this further
as the self help site develops.
Self confidence and extreme shyness are inextricably linked, you often find that
those people who are least shy also have high levels of self confidence.
Self esteem can be ok in some roles of your life and low in others. Many people
assume that self esteem is a constant, it isn’t, for example you can have high self
esteem in your chosen sport, and low self esteem as a parent.
Get Self Help
People often ask me how to gain confidence. It’s a complex answer; however confidence
is partly based on what you believe about yourself. Your confidence is partially
affected by your beliefs. The first step to changing your beliefs is to understand
how these beliefs affect your confidence, then to work on changing the ‘self-fulfilling’
It may seem obvious, but you are experiencing the world and feedback from your own
actions from the moment you are born. What is less obvious is that each of these
experiences, no matter how small has some effect on your internal picture of the
world and your place in it. Some of these early experiences boost your self-esteem,
while others can have the opposite effect.
Let’s look at an example. Suppose that you knew someone who was in the same physics
class as you at school. If you were better than them at this subject, you might assume
that you were good at physics. If you were worse than them, you might assume that
you were bad at physics.
Once you adopt that belief, you will look for evidence to back it up. For example,
if you got 75% in a test, and thought that you weren’t good at physics, then you
might focus negatively on the 25% you got wrong. So it’s the focus of your attention
that will pull your confidence down in this example.
You will dwell on the result, saying things to yourself like ‘why did I do so badly’
This forms an internal ‘voice’ for a lifetime!
But if you look closely at the example above, you can see that your beliefs are not
really based on logical reasoning or common sense. They are false beliefs, they are
not built on fact. Yes, you might have been worse than your friend at physics, but
your friend might be a genius, or at least excel in this topic, in which case your
conclusion and subsequent belief about yourself is misplaced. Or you might be better
than your friend at physics, but only because they are absolutely terrible at it.
So you see how easy it is to draw the wrong conclusions about your own standards
and skills, and subsequently base your estimation of how confident you are based
on those conclusions.
Imagine, years later, still believing that you are either good or bad at physics,
all because of that ‘genius’ friend who you sat next to in class.
Many of our beliefs about our capability are formed in similar ways. They often have
a very weak link to reality. It comes down to our, at times wrong, interpretation.
This explains why two people with the same level of ability can have two different
levels of confidence about themselves. They have each chosen to interpret their reality
in a different way.
This especially applies to your beliefs about self-confidence. Whether you are confident
in a particular area will have nothing to do with your actual abilities but more
often your interpretation of previous events in your life. If you can change the
interpretation, you can change your confidence.
So when I’m asked ‘how to gain confidence’ my reply usually includes a reference
to beliefs. I hope from the example above you can see why this is so powerful in
establishing self confidence.